Part 3 : A proper goodbye

When you left,  you cut off all sorts of communication, leaving me unexplained. The only thing you said was, "kita jauh" and "you deserve better". Letting you know, rephrasing the 'you deserve better' is actually 'I have someone else better than you'. Thinking back on this dear boy, I'm glad you left. I'm glad its over. But to tell you the truth, I cried so hard all night that I cannot even remember for how long, until one day I realize;

'Does all the tears worth the reason?'

It was not. This is where it all started. I pick up all the broken pieces and strength left in me and trying to show how much I can grow stronger without you. And I really did. Not letting anyone in my life is also part of it that I myself never intended to do. That's why I've been single ever since.

... to be continue

Part 2: Facebook memories

So getting back to this, it was 4 years ago, I was 18. Yes it was high school love but seeing how long its been, and every time I saw something on social media, I still have this one odd feeling but definitely not jealousy or envy or anything related to still liking him, just .. some kind of odd and mixed feelings that even I cannot figure it out.

Sitting down, looking through Facebook memories, (I cleared them up already years ago but I forgot to clear the messenger, still got few lefts and Facebook reminded me on posts I've liked, ugh) clearly the scar is still there. Only, it becomes less visible now. Still. But from this, I figure out something.

We never had a proper goodbye

I AM TRULY FINE . Its just that I miss being in a relationship . That's all . Don't get me wrong . I don't have any feeling towards him . Not anymore .

... to be continue

Part 1: End it the way we started

To start a new chapter is to finish the old one

I'm opening this up, not to gain anyone's attention and buat sesiapa rasa bersalah, I was just giving him a proper goodbye. That's all. Like apparently we keep coming back to the people we know, places we've been, and if someday our batchmate ever holds a grand reunion, or probably I'm getting married (lol hahahah), I don't want any of us to run away from each other. We started as a friend, we should end it the way we started. He probably not gonna read this, but deep down I'm hoping he reads. Don't worry, it was meant to be for me anyway. Since I realize all this while it is not that I 'tak laku' but I never really open my heart to anyone (bukan berlagak, I know I'm not pretty but this is serious). It's like 

'I have not yet finished this book for me to write the new one'

Honestly, it was SO HARD picking up all the broken pieces after the breakup. WAS. But now, I realized I just need a proper goodbye to properly start writing a new book.

... to be continue

Fav Haram People

Someday, if you guys ever feel down or unworthy, just remember that someone loves you and will always be there for you.

And never have I regret every little time I spend with you guys, because even now when we are not physically together, we always listen to each other's problems and everyone kindly spend their precious time just to listen to them regardless how petty the problems are. 

Thank you for making my degree's life meaningful. I'm glad that we met. Despite the distance that makes us apart, I'll make sure to always find a way to meet you all lovely people. Take care and be safe, wherever you are. 

- D -

Shit

out of nowhere, i had a dream last night. it was you. it was the same old place we used to lepak. the only thing change is, instead of we looked into each other's eyes, we looked away. its been years. I blame facebook memories for this. shit.